Maybe it's because it's the first day after Spring Break, maybe it's just because it's Monday, or maybe someone has it out for me but today needs to be over! Reid and I do not like one another right now. The terrible twos need to go away, like yesterday! And I've had many people tell me that the 3's are even worse. It can't be-we won't make it.
Today has been a craptastic Monday. And it all went downhill real quick. I'm tired and I'm tired of feeling like my two year old is running this house and my life right now. You know how you see kids out in public acting horrible? Non stop screaming, kicking, crying and having the ultimate tantrum? I used to think that it was the parents and I'd be saying to myself "that kid needs a spanking", "do parents not know how to discipline their kids?" or "when I have kids, they will NOT act like that". Well karma has come back and bit me in the butt--HARD!! Josh put it perfectly a few weeks ago by saying, "I used to think it was the parents, now (after Reid) I think it's the kid sometimes". Let me just recap my last couple of hours...
Addi gets home from school and I tell Reid he has to pick up his toys before we can go. He thinks throwing them across the room works just fine. We finally get toys picked up and head out the door. Hurdle number 1. As we are driving down the road, Reid decides he wants lemonade. And he wants it now. What he doesn't seem to get is that we are driving down the road, I can't just make lemonade appear. I politely tell him we don't have any and we'll get some when we get home. This isn't good enough. He then proceeds to scream as loud as he can that he wants lemonade. Keep in mind I'm driving down the bypass, it's not as if I can just pull over and take care of him right then and there thanks to all the endless construction work that is going on. Because of said construction work, I get even madder because I can't pull over. At this point I have reached behind me and swatted his legs (like that actually fazes him) and my voice is loud to be heard over his screaming. He's got snot smeared across his face, he can't catch his breath because he is crying so hard and I slam my pinky finger in the glove box getting a tissue to wipe his nose. That's it! The last straw. Addi has her fingers in her ears because it's too loud, this is not how I wanted my day to go, my finger is throbbing and Reid is still screaming. Thank goodness I had sunglasses on so my kids couldn't see my tears because enough was enough.
We make it through Target in record time and head to the dreaded Wal Mart. Why don't I just go home you ask? Because Reid refuses to potty train and is completely out of pull ups. I HAVE to go. We get in the store and I put him in the cart. He has learned how to gracefully climb out of any shopping cart even while it is moving and still land on his feet. He can almost unbuckle himself out of the front of the cart and has learned how to suck his belly in so far that he can make himself skinny enough to make the strap loose enough for him to wiggle and stand up thus causing him to almost topple over and fall out of the front. It's a losing battle for me. So I'm the mom in Wal Mart that every one is looking at as my child screams and kicks that he wants out and wants to walk. I somehow keep a firm hand on him and push the cart at the same time without running anyone over. So I'm that mom that everyone is looking at and I can see it in their eyes. Some have sympathy because I think they feel my pain. Others look at me like I can't control my kid (pretty much) and others look at with that same expression I know I have given others about not disciplining your child. Karma was in full force today for me!
So my point is this. I know I can't be alone. Someone is reading this, nodding their head and having flashbacks of their kids doing the same. WHAT DO I DO??? Addilyn was not like this. Granted she was not an angel by any means but good grief what did I do that has caused Reid to act like this and make my lose my sanity, question my motherhood and begin to seriously think he might actually be our last child (Josh is probably grinning at this one now :/)
And I don't have a saving grace. I don't smoke to take the edge off, I have a rule about drinking until Josh gets home (most of the time) and I've taken up running but I'm so tired that sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is too exhausting. And I feel guilty to ask Josh or tell him that I just need a break and need to get away. I feel guilty because Reid is my kid, he depends on me, I know he doesn't wake up every morning with the intentions of making Mommy crazy. And I know that some day this will pass and my kids will be grown, mommy won't be able to make everything better with a kiss and I'll miss them being little. So for now I just grit my teeth, throw my hands up and ask God to help me.
God, help me be a better mommy to my two sweet blessings. Because I know that's what they are. I know there are so many people who's constant prayer is to be parents and that there are countless kids with no parents or abusive parents and that my hard times are so mundane compared to others. So God please, help keep me in check with how blessed I am, help me keep my patience a little longer every day and I really do thank you for making me a mommy. Just help me be a better one. Amen
