No more "Hurry Up"

Yesterday Addilyn started first grade.  And I didn't cry.  Today is the second day of school and I didn't cry.  Until now.  I kept seeing this post passed around Facebook the last few days.  And in between cleaning the bathrooms and taking out the trash I stopped to read it.  I don't know what finally made me read it, but I'm glad I did.  It's all about racing through life and everyday living and not taking "it" in.  Whatever "it" may be at that exact moment.  Read it here.  Go on, read it.  This made me cry.  Because this is so ME.  With both of my kids but, especially Addilyn. I seem to procrastinate on a lot of things but time is definitely one of them. Whether it is getting out the door to the doctors office, walking into the grocery store or making cookies, I always wait till the last minute, wait until I don't have a second to spare and need every minute it is going to take me to get done what I need to get done and not be even later and be able to enjoy a few distractions.
I can almost break this article down paragraph by paragraph and work it into my daily life.  I'm always rushing out the door and hollering at Addi to "hurry up" "what's taking you so long?" or "we're gonna be late" and she is always telling me she can't find the right necklace to go with her outfit or can't find her purse.  And to that I think, "you are 6 years old, why in the world do you need a necklace or a purse?"  Because she is 6, that's why.  Because she is developing her sense of style and individuality.  Because she loves to be a fashionista and look "pretty".  And I'm rushing her.  Or on the days she does make it to the van before I do, only for me to get in and she's in the back and not buckled up.  Wildly I scream, "WHY are you not buckled up?  WHY can you get out here before I do and still not be ready?" To which she cries (literally because while I wasn't paying attention I've hurt her feelings) "I have to buckle up Hannah Dale" (her Bitty Baby).  And then I think to myself "why does she need to buckle up a silly baby doll?"  Because she is 6 and because she is this baby doll's momma and if I buckle up my kids, why shouldn't she buckle up hers?  There's been many times we've been running errands and she'll ask if we can stop at Happy Hour at Sonic for a slushy.  And I immediately say no because, you guessed it, we don't have time.  What would it hurt to stop for a few extra minutes and enjoy a slushy or special treat with my special kiddos?  It wouldn't.  Plain and simple.  
By the end of this article I couldn't see behind the tears.  I'm that mom walking into WalMart or Target 5 steps in front of one kid while seemingly dragging the arms off of my other kid telling them to "hurry up".  (this probably paints a horrible picture in your head of me literally dragging my kids through a parking lot but I'm sure you get my picture).  I need to slow down.  Plain and simple.  I need to walk the pace of my 6 and 2 year old and who knows what I'll see.  I'll see the pretty butterflies that are magically floating around that my daughter loves to watch.  Maybe I'll see the tractors passing by that my son loves to watch and fantasise about riding on.  Because no matter what I see, my kids will see their momma stopping to take her time to walk hand in hand slowly with them and others might see a mom enjoying her time with her precious gifts.
And the next time I bake cookies, I will let Addi break the eggs.  Who cares if the shells crack in the dough?  I'll throw it out.  And she can try again.  Because if I don't let her try, how will I know she can do it and more importantly how will she know she can do it?  And if Reid is not falling asleep fast enough at night, I'm not going to tell him to "hurry and go to sleep, you've got 5 minutes or I'm leaving this room".  No, I'll just rock and hold him a little longer and cherish that extra time. And why do I wait till my kids fall asleep to stare at them and be amazed at what cute, smart, funny and wonderful kids God gave me?  Why don't I do that during the day when they are awake and can hear me and know that is what I think?  They deserve to know that I think they are wonderful and that I love them and that I'm so happy I get to be their mommy.
Although the article made me cry, made me feel awful (I know that's not what the author intended) it did make me take a step back and realize that I need to take my time, prioritize a little differently and I'm gonna try really hard to give myself more time, more time to enjoy my kids during the most mundane of things.  So, I'm signing off here to make it to school early, to be one of the first parent's in line to pick up their kid instead of the end of the line and I'm gonna walk at her pace through the parking lot as she talks about her day.  And I will tell both of my kids regularly, while they are awake, how they make me proud and how much they mean to me.