We will never forget!

It's a common post on Facebook today.  "Where were you?"  Meaning, where were you 12 years ago today?  For me, that's very easy to answer.  I was in room 511 of McCormack Hall at Western Kentucky University.  I used to never get ready for classes with the TV on, but for some reason that morning I turned it on.  The "Today Show" was on and I remember the vivid scene of the tower being nothing but smoke and fire and diminishing before our eyes.  I honestly thought they were showing a clip of a movie (a very sick movie I thought) until my eyes came to the four letters at the top of screen, "LIVE".  And my heart sunk.  I went on to my Tuesday morning class, but we were given the option of watching the news unfold if we wished.  So I, along with many classmates, friends and strangers watched as history was made and our world was forever changed.

Yesterday I was able to go downtown Elizabethtown and watch as Foam 161 made it's way from Ft Knox to Elizabethtown and back before it's final resting place at the Patton Museum.  So I gathered my kids and niece and grabbed an American flag and we stood on the sidewalks as the truck made it's way along the procession.  I knew there was no way of explaining it to Audrey and Reid and I found it hard to describe to Addilyn, a six year old.  My explanation was simple, "some really bad people flew a plane into some buildings and a bunch of people were hurt and killed that day.  Your mommy remembers it very well and we're gonna be able to see a firetruck that was there that day.  And your mommy really wants to see it".  

So the kids and I lined the sidewalks with so many others and they held their flag proudly and waved to those who waved at them.

Watching them take it in, even without knowing the significance and remembering all those who lost their lives that day and the days following I felt pride.  For the friends and classmates that lost their lives fighting for our freedom; and those still fighting, my heart was full of pride and my eyes misted with tears but I held my head a little higher, because we live in the land of the free because of the brave and I AM PROUD!!

After leaving the sidewalks and treating the kids to slushies, my mind was tell on what we just left and my thoughts traveled back to 12 years ago.  And I asked myself, "if someone were to ask me why I took a 2, 3 and 6 year old the procession of that truck, what would my answer be?  And it's simple, RESPECT.  I want my kids to grow up knowing the significance of this day and events.  I want them to understand why America is the greatest country to live in, and I want them to respect those in the armed forces and the first responders.  I want them to believe in our country and what it stands for and to know that the red, white and blue are colors that don't run and that they too should be proud of the USA.

God Bless our troops that are still defending our freedom and those who fought giving the ultimate sacrifice.

Getting back in a routine

This is the first full week of school.  While Addi is trying to get back into a routine of "mom, it's still daylight outside" when she goes to bed and "mom, it's still dark outside" when she wakes up, I too am trying to get back into a routine.  Last school year I was decent about keeping a schedule of going to the gym. My neighbor friend and I would somehow be at the gym at 4:30AM! on average of 3 days a week.  Yes, 4:30. Once summer started that was a little more difficult.  And going after Josh got home from work was difficult.  I didn't want to meet him at the door at 5:30, throw the kids in his face and say "see ya!"  Wait, yes, yes I did.  But I didn't think that would be much appreciated on his end so I didn't.  And who wants to go right after supper?  Nope, not me.  And then after the kids went to bed I was either so tired myself or just wanted to spend some time with my husband.  Excuses you say?  You're right, they were.  But I enjoyed my family time and my body suffered for it.  Because was I not only decent about going to the gym I also stayed on a food plan.  Was it hard?  At first.  But I got used to it and I started to see some changes.  The best changes were when people were telling me I looked like I was losing weight.  Woohoo!! It was actually paying off.  And of course Josh told me I looked great.  I secretly think that there is some subliminal message in our vows that we took that Josh knows it's in his best interest to tell me I'm beautiful and look great.  Blah Blah.  I really do appreciate it, but sometimes just need the cold, hard truth!

So today I am fed up with feeling like a blah, no energy, no fun momma and wife.  I jumped back on the food plan this morning and my wonderful sister just got here to stay with my kiddos while I go to the gym.  Planet Fitness please don't fall down when I walk in.  I know it's been a while.  

I have a fellow blogger that I follow religiously.  Go check her out at  http://www.supermessysupermommy.blogspot.com/.  She has a whole variety of topics.  And she too has gone through the mommy blues.  I probably won't be as open as she has been able to be because I just don't know if I can post my scale pictures showing my weight and before and after pics of myself.  Ahhhh to be that comfortable, I wish.  But because I'm putting out here that I'm working on getting back in shape and losing the weight I hope it will help me and give me that extra push.  

So I'm gonna chug my tumbler full of water and hit the gym.  Here is to hoping that I will survive and go back tomorrow!

Not any longer!  

I vow not to let this happen.  I will be full, I will
eat and I will fit!

No more "Hurry Up"

Yesterday Addilyn started first grade.  And I didn't cry.  Today is the second day of school and I didn't cry.  Until now.  I kept seeing this post passed around Facebook the last few days.  And in between cleaning the bathrooms and taking out the trash I stopped to read it.  I don't know what finally made me read it, but I'm glad I did.  It's all about racing through life and everyday living and not taking "it" in.  Whatever "it" may be at that exact moment.  Read it here.  Go on, read it.  This made me cry.  Because this is so ME.  With both of my kids but, especially Addilyn. I seem to procrastinate on a lot of things but time is definitely one of them. Whether it is getting out the door to the doctors office, walking into the grocery store or making cookies, I always wait till the last minute, wait until I don't have a second to spare and need every minute it is going to take me to get done what I need to get done and not be even later and be able to enjoy a few distractions.
I can almost break this article down paragraph by paragraph and work it into my daily life.  I'm always rushing out the door and hollering at Addi to "hurry up" "what's taking you so long?" or "we're gonna be late" and she is always telling me she can't find the right necklace to go with her outfit or can't find her purse.  And to that I think, "you are 6 years old, why in the world do you need a necklace or a purse?"  Because she is 6, that's why.  Because she is developing her sense of style and individuality.  Because she loves to be a fashionista and look "pretty".  And I'm rushing her.  Or on the days she does make it to the van before I do, only for me to get in and she's in the back and not buckled up.  Wildly I scream, "WHY are you not buckled up?  WHY can you get out here before I do and still not be ready?" To which she cries (literally because while I wasn't paying attention I've hurt her feelings) "I have to buckle up Hannah Dale" (her Bitty Baby).  And then I think to myself "why does she need to buckle up a silly baby doll?"  Because she is 6 and because she is this baby doll's momma and if I buckle up my kids, why shouldn't she buckle up hers?  There's been many times we've been running errands and she'll ask if we can stop at Happy Hour at Sonic for a slushy.  And I immediately say no because, you guessed it, we don't have time.  What would it hurt to stop for a few extra minutes and enjoy a slushy or special treat with my special kiddos?  It wouldn't.  Plain and simple.  
By the end of this article I couldn't see behind the tears.  I'm that mom walking into WalMart or Target 5 steps in front of one kid while seemingly dragging the arms off of my other kid telling them to "hurry up".  (this probably paints a horrible picture in your head of me literally dragging my kids through a parking lot but I'm sure you get my picture).  I need to slow down.  Plain and simple.  I need to walk the pace of my 6 and 2 year old and who knows what I'll see.  I'll see the pretty butterflies that are magically floating around that my daughter loves to watch.  Maybe I'll see the tractors passing by that my son loves to watch and fantasise about riding on.  Because no matter what I see, my kids will see their momma stopping to take her time to walk hand in hand slowly with them and others might see a mom enjoying her time with her precious gifts.
And the next time I bake cookies, I will let Addi break the eggs.  Who cares if the shells crack in the dough?  I'll throw it out.  And she can try again.  Because if I don't let her try, how will I know she can do it and more importantly how will she know she can do it?  And if Reid is not falling asleep fast enough at night, I'm not going to tell him to "hurry and go to sleep, you've got 5 minutes or I'm leaving this room".  No, I'll just rock and hold him a little longer and cherish that extra time. And why do I wait till my kids fall asleep to stare at them and be amazed at what cute, smart, funny and wonderful kids God gave me?  Why don't I do that during the day when they are awake and can hear me and know that is what I think?  They deserve to know that I think they are wonderful and that I love them and that I'm so happy I get to be their mommy.
Although the article made me cry, made me feel awful (I know that's not what the author intended) it did make me take a step back and realize that I need to take my time, prioritize a little differently and I'm gonna try really hard to give myself more time, more time to enjoy my kids during the most mundane of things.  So, I'm signing off here to make it to school early, to be one of the first parent's in line to pick up their kid instead of the end of the line and I'm gonna walk at her pace through the parking lot as she talks about her day.  And I will tell both of my kids regularly, while they are awake, how they make me proud and how much they mean to me.

Audrey Turns 3!!

Three years ago today I became an aunt for the second time.  Three years ago today my heart grew a little bigger.  Three years ago today this little chunky, big haired, bright eyed baby was born and I became Aunt "Emmy", a name I used to cringe at but now smile every time I hear it.  Today Audrey turns 3!  I came across this little poem last week that I think fits Audrey to a "T" and it goes like this,

"One plus two, how old am I?

I can count, I can argue, I can ask why.

I'll rock this world, you will see.

You got that right, I'm turning THREE!"

This little girl who can talk and carry on a conversation with any adult, loves bows, Minnie Mouse, zebra print, doing 'nastics, won't go anywhere without her night night or Heidi her baby, and can sing any country song once she's heard it, has stolen my heart a little more every time she says my name or cheeses that big grin of hers.  She is smart, witty, absolutely adorable, sensitive and very caring.  She has grown so much so fast in not just the last 3 years but in just the past couple of months.  Her mommy and daddy better watch out, because before they know it she will be going to school and capturing hearts everywhere.  So watch out world, Audrey is 3 and she's ready to own it!

Audrey,  

I love you very much sweet girl and can't wait to see what this big, beautiful world has in store for you.  You are determined, smart and I know you will grow so much in this next year. I love your spunkiness, your sassy attitude, your new found love for gymnastics, your wonderful bear hugs, the way you sing and dance and your sense of style that you are starting to make your own. I hope this year is your best year yet!

 Happy 3rd Birthday Princess!

Love you!

Aunt Emmy

First Grade!

Okay, I know it's been a while since I last blogged but summer has been jam packed with gymnastics, a little pool time, gymnastics, lots of family time, cookouts and gymnastics.  Did I mention we've been busy with gymnastics?!  Addi loves it and wouldn't have it any other way, so that is what we have been doing.  These are the excuses, er, I mean the reasons I have failed at blogging lately.  But I'm back...for now.

Anyway, summer vacation is officially over.  School starts back tomorrow and I'm happy to report that my emotions and mind set are much better than last year.  Need a refresher?  Read Kindergarten here.  I have not drank an entire bottle of wine, I have not cried (yet!) and I'm not on the verge of a panic attack.  But because time is moving at a rapid speed and my little girl is quickly growing up, I am trying to hold on to all the milestones.  So here is my letter to my first grader....

My Sweet Addilyn,

     I don't know where to begin.  Seriously.  You are laying in your bed now, although I'm sure your nerves and excitement haven't let you drift off to sleep yet. I'm sure you are lying flat on your back, staring at the ceiling clutching your beloved giraffes and snuggled under your blanket.  As it hits me that you are entering first grade I hope you don't become too big or too cool to sleep with your comfort and security belongings.  When this day happens at our house I will have a meltdown.  You will officially be big and not a little girl anymore.  And yet you are already a big girl.  A big, independent girl.  A girl that I will drop off at first grade tomorrow.  A big girl who has already told me you aren't taking pictures tomorrow, (by the way, oh yes you are!!)  A big girl who knocks heads with me over the littlest thing and demands that your ways are right, but yet snuggles with her daddy every night and thinks he's the greatest and smartest man in the world.  Let me let you in on a little secret.  He is.  Every girl deserves a daddy that they can look up to, love unconditionally and know that with every fiber of their being  that they will always hold your best interest in mind and heart.  I grew up with this kind of daddy and I am so happy and thankful that you are too.  

When I leave you at the door of your classroom tomorrow, I again, just like last year am leaving a piece of my heart there.  I hope that your teachers know or get to know what a special girl you are.  One who is smart, funny, determined, well mannered and kind.  Because I know that is what you are. And it means that I as a mommy have been doing something right. I was amazed at what you learned in Kindergarten last year and can only imagine what you will come home and tell me about daily.  I can't wait to watch your mind and interests grow.  I hope you will continue to make life long friends. I hope you will make your teachers proud. I hope you will continue to love school.  

Reid is going to miss you terribly.  He loves spending his days with you and playing and watching television.  He tries his hardest to keep up with you riding bikes and likes to eat whatever you are eating for lunch.  These first couple of weeks are going to be hard for him.  And they are going to be hard for me too.  You are my side-kick, my light and my pride.  

Your brand new, flashy, made you giddy from the moment you saw it backpack is packed and ready.  You've told me what you want packed in your matching lunchbox and your outfit is picked out and neatly laying at the end of your bed.  Tomorrow begins a new milestone and I can't wait to see what first grade has in store for the both of us!

So show up to first grade tomorrow with a smile on your face, determination in your mind and you'll do great!  They're gonna love ya baby girl!  Have fun!

I love you more and am proud of you!

Mommy

8-6-13

Heartbreaker Softball 2013

So this was Addi's second year playing softball and she loved it!  And who wouldn't with a team name like the "Heartbreakers"?  They were a group of 12 talented, cheering, loud and fun girls who kept smiling, cheering and laughing through every practice, scrimmage, game and picture taking.  They went into the season as a good team and ended their season last night as an awesome team with 3 trophies!  They got second place in the Opening Season Tournament, took first place in regular season play and after 3 grueling games they ended with second place in the End of Season Tournament.  Addi asked first thing this morning if she had a game tonight (don't think it's quite sunk in yet) and she admitted she's going to miss softball till next year.

With this being her second year playing she has been fortunate to have had the same 3 coaches both years.  Timmy, Ben and Brian (along with other dads including her own stepping in when needed) taught these girls so much.  From basic fundamentals, to always knowing how many outs there were to having great sportsmanship, these coaches rarely lost their patience.  They worked hard with each girl and always took their time teaching and coaching them.  I couldn't have imagined playing for another team.  And I'm thankful to them for instilling the love of the game into Addi.  We are truly going to miss these coaches when they step up a league next year. 

From some games being what you could call a blow out to several intense ones the girls always kept their heads up and a smile on their face. Our last 4 games or so were really good ones, ones where they kept us parents on the edge of our chairs (sometimes standing on picnic tables!), throwing ball caps in the dirt due to excitement or frustration, groaning over a play and getting so involved we had to remind ourselves that they were 6 and under and clapping and cheering and screaming till I'm sure most of Cecilia heard us.  I'm really going to miss our ballpark days till next year.

The girls on the team have become more than just a teammate to Addi; they've become her friends and whether they'll be friends all year long and she goes to school with them or just the friends she sees on the ballpark I'm thankful she's had such a great time!

Reid also had a great time at the ballpark this year.  His was more of a fun that came from digging in the dirt with his trucks and pawpaw loaders than watching his big sis play.  He would however, occasionally glance up and yell "Go Addi Go" from time to time.  But mainly he was content with a hotdog, some dirt and playing with other little boys. 

It was fun to watch Addi grow as an athlete too.  From last year, where she played in the dirt more than anything, was learning to make contact with the ball and figuring out how to step and throw the ball at the same time and being more concerned about her hair ribbon matching her uniform.  This year, she made contact with the ball and got base hits more times than not, learned where to throw the ball to make a play, and learned how to be a good sport and enjoy playing.  Of course, her hair ribbons and head bands still have to match her uniform, but what's wrong with that?!

So for now we've put up her uniform, hung up her ball bag (but we'll still get it out to practice) and set trophies on the shelf.  And another year of softball season is wrapped up!

Look at that stance!

Swing batter!

 

Little outfielder!

My little Heartbreaker!

She sure loved playing ball!

Playing catcher

Reid being Reid

playing in the dirt

his favorite part about going to the ballpark

 

Trophy number 1!

Trophy number 2!

Trophy number 3!

Heartbreakers 2013
(missing 1 player from pic)



Kindergarten Graduation

I really don't know where to begin.  My heart and head have so many emotions right now.  Excitement, a little sadness, disbelief but most of all, PRIDE!  Addilyn had her Kindergarten Graduation this morning.  She has been looking forward to this day for over a week now.  And then, BAM! it got here, it's over and I can't believe next week she will be finishing up her first year of school and ending a milestone. 

It really feels like just a few weeks ago I was sitting in the same spot I am right now typing up my feelings about her starting Kindergarten.  You can reread or read for the first time that post kindergarten letter and this one 1st day of kindergarten.  Looking back at those posts I am amazed at how much Addi has grown (not as much physically), matured and learned so much.  She has made countless friends that I hear about daily, has learned to count well above 100, has mastered her sight words (good grief I WILL NOT miss that little baggie), can read above her grade level and has amazed me with her math skills.  I am in awe at what she has learned and accomplished since August. 

This morning while helping her get dressed she asked me how many days of school are left.  I told her 5 after today.  She stuck that cute little bottom lip out, scrunched up her forehead and folded her arms.  "But mom, I really like kindergarten. I don't want to be done.  Can Ms. Crim be my teacher next year and the next year...?" I love the fact that she loves so school so much considering the first two or three days she didn't want to go back.  And it warms my heart that she loves her teacher so much.  Because she really has had a wonderful teacher to start her school years off to a great start.  I think, well actually after today, I know Ms. Crim (and Ms. Thompson) love those kids a lot.  You can see it when they smile at the kids, give high fives, hugs and encouraging words.  I'm so happy Addi ended up in this kindergarten class.

Here are a few of the pictures taken this morning. 

 

walking in to the gym
I think this is where I got a little teary eyed

in line to receive her diploma

so proud

"I did it"

Addi is very blessed to have grandparents who could take time out of their day to come watch her graduate and celebrate!

 

Addilyn with PawPaw and Nonnie

Addilyn with Poppy and NaiNai

Aunt Ericka got off work at 7 this morning, came to the house and Addi was excited to ride to school with her (I guess cool aunts outrank mommy) and then watched her graduate.

Addi and her godmother

Kindergarten Graduate!

Throughout kindergarten Addi has made two of her very best friends.  I'm afraid if I blink too quick we will be taking their high school graduation pictures!

Tyson, Addilyn and Kali
Best Buds!!




 

Addilyn and Ms. Crim.  Addi loves her and so do I.  She has taught Addi so much and I am so glad she was Addi's teacher!  Thank you!!!

Addilyn and Ms. Crim





So next week as we close the chapter of Kindergarten in Addi's book of life I can't help but look back at it with a smile on my face and a tear in my eye.  She's growing too fast.  But she's growing into a wonderful, talented, smart and goal achieving little lady.  Mommy and Daddy are so very proud of you Addilyn Dale! 



A day in the life of Reid...

Reid is Reid.  I don't know how else to explain it.  One minute I want to ring his neck and the next minute he's making me laugh and love every minute of staying home with him.  He is constantly keeping me on my toes, making me shake my head and rolling my eyes and giving me a good belly laugh at least once a day.  I feel like I can half way say he's potty trained.  He wears his "choo choo unaware" as he calls them, while we are at home and when we leave the house.  We have very few accidents (as I knock on wood) and has learned to give us just a minute or two heads up when he has to go.  Night time we still use a pull up but I think we are pretty close to being fully potty trained.  (I really hope I'm not backtracking this post next week and buying stock in pull ups again)
Because Reid thinks he's hot stuff and loves his choo choo's he is hardly ever in clothes. He loves his hats, his shoes and his undies!  Here is a glimpse into our every day lives.  I never know when I turn a corner what he will be doing or wearing or both...

Reid decided to bring his trucks and dig in the
dirt while hanging out at Addi's ball practice.
The boy loves his boots and sunglasses!

Let the temperature rise and tease us with the taste
of summer days and Reid is ready to strip down and
haul some rocks.

Who says you can't watch morning cartoons in your jammies
and fireman rain boots?

Scuba Steve or Scuba Reid?!  This picture captures
Reid's personality so well.  He just loves to be
goofy and see if he can make you smile.

Can he fill Daddy's boots?  He thought he was
super cool to be "daddy".  I told you he loves
his undies and shoes!



I said when I took this picture that I would not post it.
However, it's too funny not to.  He decided to put his sister's
undies on his head as a hat.  Yes, this picture will come out
when he starts dating!



And this one is my favorite!!  I am seriously thinking of
framing this one!  It doesn't get much better than a little
boy and his cowboy boots (notice on the wrong feet!),
his cowboy hat and his choo choo underwear!
And who doesn't love that grin?!

So on days like today where he's driven me absolutely batty and I'm counting down the minutes to bedtime, I just look at all these pictures from the last couple of weeks and I can't help but smile, laugh and thank God for choosing me to be this goofy and fun little boy's momma!  

It's definitley a Monday!!

Maybe it's because it's the first day after Spring Break, maybe it's just because it's Monday, or maybe someone has it out for me but today needs to be over!  Reid and I do not like one another right now.  The terrible twos need to go away, like yesterday!  And I've had many people tell me that the 3's are even worse.  It can't be-we won't make it. 
Today has been a craptastic Monday.  And it all went downhill real quick.  I'm tired and I'm tired of feeling like my two year old is running this house and my life right now.  You know how you see kids out in public acting horrible?  Non stop screaming, kicking, crying and having the ultimate tantrum?  I used to think that it was the parents and I'd be saying to myself "that kid needs a spanking", "do parents not know how to discipline their kids?" or "when I have kids, they will NOT act like that".  Well karma has come back and bit me in the butt--HARD!!  Josh put it perfectly a few weeks ago by saying, "I used to think it was the parents, now (after Reid) I think it's the kid sometimes".  Let me just recap my last couple of hours...
Addi gets home from school and I tell Reid he has to pick up his toys before we can go.  He thinks throwing them across the room works just fine.  We finally get toys picked up and head out the door.  Hurdle number 1.  As we are driving down the road, Reid decides he wants lemonade.  And he wants it now.  What he doesn't seem to get is that we are driving down the road, I can't just make lemonade appear.  I politely tell him we don't have any and we'll get some when we get home.  This isn't good enough.  He then proceeds to scream as loud as he can that he wants lemonade.  Keep in mind I'm driving down the bypass, it's not as if I can just pull over and take care of him right then and there thanks to all the endless construction work that is going on.  Because of said construction work, I get even madder because I can't pull over.  At this point I have reached behind me and swatted his legs (like that actually fazes him) and my voice is loud to be heard over his screaming.  He's got snot smeared across his face, he can't catch his breath because he is crying so hard and I slam my pinky finger in the glove box getting a tissue to wipe his nose.  That's it!  The last straw.  Addi has her fingers in her ears because it's too loud, this is not how I wanted my day to go, my finger is throbbing and Reid is still screaming.  Thank goodness I had sunglasses on so my kids couldn't see my tears because enough was enough. 
We make it through Target in record time and head to the dreaded Wal Mart.  Why don't I just go home you ask?  Because Reid refuses to potty train and is completely out of pull ups.  I HAVE to go.  We get in the store and I put him in the cart.  He has learned how to gracefully climb out of any shopping cart even while it is moving and still land on his feet.  He can almost unbuckle himself out of the front of the cart and has learned how to suck his belly in so far that he can make himself skinny enough to make the strap loose enough for him to wiggle and stand up thus causing him to almost topple over and fall out of the front.  It's a losing battle for me.  So I'm the mom in Wal Mart that every one is looking at as my child screams and kicks that he wants out and wants to walk.  I somehow keep a firm hand on him and push the cart at the same time without running anyone over.  So I'm that mom that everyone is looking at and I can see it in their eyes. Some have sympathy because I think they feel my pain.  Others look at me like I can't control my kid (pretty much) and others look at with that same expression I know I have given others about not disciplining your child.  Karma was in full force today for me! 
So my point is this.  I know I can't be alone.  Someone is reading this, nodding their head and having flashbacks of their kids doing the same.  WHAT DO I DO???  Addilyn was not like this.  Granted she was not an angel by any means but good grief what did I do that has caused Reid to act like this and make my lose my sanity, question my motherhood and begin to seriously think he might actually be our last child (Josh is probably grinning at this one now :/)
And I don't have a saving grace.  I don't smoke to take the edge off, I have a rule about drinking until Josh gets home (most of the time) and I've taken up running but I'm so tired that sometimes putting one foot in front of the other is too exhausting.  And I feel guilty to ask Josh or tell him that I just need a break and need to get away.  I feel guilty because Reid is my kid, he depends on me, I know he doesn't wake up every morning with the intentions of making Mommy crazy. And I know that some day this will pass and my kids will be grown, mommy won't be able to make everything better with a kiss and I'll miss them being little. So for now I just grit my teeth, throw my hands up and ask God to help me. 
God, help me be a better mommy to my two sweet blessings.  Because I know that's what they are.  I know there are so many people who's constant prayer is to be parents and that there are countless kids with no parents or abusive parents and that my hard times are so mundane compared to others.  So God please, help keep me in check with how blessed I am, help me keep my patience a little longer every day and I really do thank you for making me a mommy.  Just help me be a better one.  Amen

Double the heartache

For those of you who know me even the littlest bit know that I come from a large family.  And I'm not talking just the 5 siblings.  I'm talking aunts, uncles and cousins too.  And I think know that I'm extremely blessed and lucky.  Those of us on my mom's side are extremely close.  It was always us, (my sisters, brother and I) and Rebecca, Rachel, Jared, Jessie, Paula and Zach.  That's a whole lot of kids and a whole lot of fun. Growing up they were more brothers and sisters to me than cousins.  It's just how close we grew up.  And sharing in happy times, excitement and blessings also means you share in the bad times and the heartaches.  And that biggest heartache came 5 years ago today.  And even though 5 years sounds like somewhat of a long time, my heart still hurts, it beats fast, my cheeks burn and my eyes well up with tears just thinking about what is missing from our family.

 

One of us earned his wings and became an angel.  And my heart still feels that loss every day.  Because there is not one single day that has passed since that snowy and cold day in March when the good Lord decided to call Jared home that my mind doesn't think of him.  I'll always remember where I was and what I was doing when my phone rang and I could hear my mom's voice trembling on the other line when all she said was "he's gone".  I vividly remember dropping the phone and watching it fall down the steps and disconnect from the other line. Remember feeling that maybe if I didn't call her back none of what she said would be true.  I remember thinking that just 10 minutes earlier Josh and I had been outside with Addilyn playing in the snow and laughing like things were ok.  In that instant of a phone call, our family and lives changed forever. 

 

 

Five years.  I just can't seem to wrap my head around that.  I remember the countless drives to Norton's, the talks and jokes in the waiting room while making the time pass, the endless prayers bedside, dropping to my knees to God in the waiting room and chapel, adding angel after angel to his angel Christmas tree and finally that last drive to Norton's.  And it really doesn't seem like that long ago, but yet so much has changed since then.  Our huge family has expanded greatly.  Three more got married, adding two more guys and one girl to the family.  Nine (9!!) babies have been born since 2005, giving Jared two more neices and two more nephews that he never got a chance to love and kiss on and spoil and teach new things to.  But because we all have our memories, those babies will all grow up and know who he was and what kind of a guy he was. 

 

our last family picture

Thanksgiving '07

 

 

You know that song "If Heaven Wasn't So Far Away"?  Yea, what I wouldn't give to just wrap my arms around him one more time or just to look at him and see him smile.  But instead all I can do is know that we will see him again one day.  And I hope this year he is celebrating his "angel"versary and Granma's first birthday in heaven with all our loved ones.  Because today is not only his anniversary but is also Granma's birthday.  So my heart aches twice as much today for the loss of two important people from our family.  I hope they're floating around on a big fluffy cloud talking about how bad the CATS need to learn how to play ball and she giving him a love pat or two on his knee as they look down and know that so many people love them and miss them terribly. 

 

I know these two are looking down on us

today and always

 

"There are no goodbyes for us. Wherever you are, you will always be in our hearts." ~Mahatma Ghandi

 

My thoughts and feelings exactly



Friendship Shout Out!

I love being married and I love being a mommy but sometimes a girl just needs her friends!  And when you have great friends it makes life more enjoyable!  God blessed me with some great girlfriends and with those girlfriends come their husbands who are also friends with Josh.  And with these great couples come some pretty great and cute kids for Addi and Reid.

 

We've been friends with Dee and Heather for a looooong time!  In fact, I've known Dee half my life.  When Dee married Heather, little did I know I would gain a true and lifelong friend.  We share advice, parenting tips, numerous glasses of wine, aggravating husband stories and lots of laughs.  Our children are close in age and even closer in friendship.  I love their sons like they are my own and have enjoyed watching them grow and hit milestones.  And I know Dee and Heather feel the same about our kids.  They've become those friends that know just about everything about you, will treat my kids like their own and we feel at home in one anothers home.  I hope that the friendship that not only the 4 of us have but the friendship between Addilyn and Briley will last a lifetime.  With the 2 littlest guys, Reid and Marshall, I know they will develop a lasting friendship with one another just like their older siblings.  I thank God that He placed this wonderful, caring and fun family in our lives.

"Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." Marcel Proust

When we moved into our home 2 1/2 years ago, I was really hoping for a great neighborhood for our kids to grow up in.  And I got what I was hoping for!  Just 3 houses up from us live a great family that we quickly became friends with.  Jeff and Ali have become good friends of ours and their daughter Kali and Addilyn have become best of friends, not only in the neighborhood but in school as well.  It's nice to have those nights where at the last minute we decide to order pizza, let the kids play and just have some relaxing, laid back time.  And the summertime has been the best.  Letting the kids run around until they are exhausted, the guys shooting the breeze on the back patio while the women trade funny stories, sit back and watch the kids interact so well, swap recipes and soak up life. 

Just last summer we were lucky to add another family to this equation to make the subdivision trio.  Kris and Tracy and their little boy Tyson have become fast friends with us all.  Besides Reid, Tyson is the only boy but it doesn't seem to bother him.  It's so much fun to watch the kids interact with one another and they play and get along like they've known eachother for a long time.  Reid looks at Tyson as an older brother and dearly loves playing with him.  I hope that the friendship between all 4 of them continues to grow and deepen.  I know I want my kids to have a childhood that they can play, learn and grow with the same kids, that both my kids and I feel safe that they are in a safe enviroment and that when they are in highschool they'll have those friends "they've known all their life". 

Theres another family who moved in the neighborhood just a few months ago and I can't wait for their first summer here so that they're 2 kids can join "the gang".  Roger and Josey have 2 adorable kids and they are friends that I have known for a very long time. We've done lots of birthday parties, New Years Eve's and baby birth celebrations together and it's great that they're even closer now to share in so many fun activites.  It's fun to watch our children grow and play together. 

"I cannot even imagine where I would be today were it not for that handful of friends who have given me a heart full of joy. Let's face it, friends make life a lot more fun."  Charles R. Swindoll

 
God blessed Josh and I with wonderful kids and wonderful friends for our kids to grow up with.  We are truly blessed because Dee, Heather, Jeff, Ali, Kris, Tracy, Roger and Josey have shown us what true friendship is.  Whether we've known them for 15+ years or just since the summer, they are friends for life.  And the same goes for the kiddos!
"The greatest gift of life is friendship, and I have received it."  Hubert H. Humphrey




 

 


I'm a stay at home mommy!

So as most of you know, I'm a stay at home mommy.  I have been since day 1 when Addilyn was born.  And every most days I love it!  Since Addi is now in Kindergarten it's just Reid and I during the days.  And I think it's harder with just Reid lol!!  Maybe it's the difference in a boy and a girl, maybe it's the difference in kid #1 and kid #2 or maybe it's a combination of both.  But Reid is going to be the death of me, the reason Josh says we have to stop at 2 kids and the reason I lose my sanity before long.  (I'm really hoping he'll get his act together before he really is the last kid we have)

 

So now I'm gonna get to the reason of this post.  It's been brewing for a loooong time, it might make some people mad and maybe make a few other SAHM (stay at home moms) do a silent fist pump in the air! 

 

I may not have a 9-5, salary paid, vacation earning, reason to get dressed job, but I work!  I can't tell you how many times I've had people say "well you're a stay at home mom so you get to clean house" or "youre a SAHM so there's no reason you can't go to the gym" or "man, I'd give anything to be a SAHM" and the list could go on and on.  So let me start at the top of that list and work my way down...

 

You're right, my "work" day doesn't start at 9:00.  It starts at 6:15 when I wake Addi up and get her ready for school.  She's out the door and on the bus by 6:56 and I've got approximately 30 minutes before Reid is up if he's not already.  And I'll be honest here, sometime I can squeeze in a few more minutes of sleep because I am one of those people who can go to sleep at any time.  And here's the difference between my "work" day and yours.  I don't get a solo ride into work and home from work.  In fact, I don't get to go ANYWHERE solo.  The grocery store, to pee, to take a shower or even the mailbox.  And I don't get a lunch break.  Take for example today.  I shared my tuna fish with a 2 year old who was also making a mess of his ramen noodles and finding it fun to smash his doritoes all over the table.  I don't think I even got to taste my food.  This is everyday, unless I wait till he's napping but that's normally when I catch up on the laundry.  My showers consist of turning on the Disney channel and trusting Reid to not tear the room apart while I run through the shower.  I then put on my best black pants and tee shirt with no holes and continue on my routine. 

TRUE STORY!!!!!!

 

I do fix my hair everyday and try to put on make up as well.  This is mainly for my husband.  I don't want him to forget who he married :)

 

I saw another ecard that had me a little aggravated.  It was about a mom who had a job and "does everything I do in 2 hours".  Not true! 

I just sometimes feel under-appreciated.  I clean the house, (some rooms multiple times) pick up toys,(always multiple times) do the laundy, do the dishes, get supper started, Addi off the bus and homework done by the time daddy gets home (most of the the time) and on Tuesdays and Thursdays off to gymnastics and squeeze in the grocery store too.  Mind you the grocery trip can make me lose my ever loving mind when I take Reid!  Please reread the first paragraph for a refresher. So I've started going to the grocery at night after supper, after baths and after the kids are in bed. 

 

I love my kids!  And I really do love staying home with them!  I just get tired of hearing people say how they wish they could too when I hear them talk or read FaceBook posts about how their kids drive them crazy, they need a mommy-vacation or hear/read how their kids drive them nuts on the weekends when they actually spend the whole day with them.  And I'm not calling anyone out.  No names are being mentioned and in fact most of my friends don't fall in this category, just several random people. 

Another difference in my life and yours as a "working mom" is take for example today.  I went to the doctor yesterday and have strep throat.  No matter how tired or sick I feel, I can't call in for a sick day.  I have no daycare to take my kids to so I can lay on the couch and rest up and get plenty of fluids.  It just doesn't happen. 

We're still paying off a small student loan I have had since my days at WKU.  But the more aggravating part?  I feel like I have nothing to show for that.  There's no diploma on the wall.  Just sticky finger prints that I know one day I will miss greatly.  No matter what kind of day I have I just keep telling myself "this too shall pass" and "I know I'll miss this all one day".  When filling out medical paperwork I have found myself filling out in the employment field under job description "Domestic Engineer" and under Employer "Addilyn and Reid".  Just a little fun humor!
But for now, I'll leave you with some of the things I deal with on a daily basis

These are a few of the things that I deal with on a daily basis.  Kids who dress themselves, get their heads stuck in tables, I find them rearranging my tupperware cabinet, squirting juice boxes all over the floor "just because", finding more trucks and trains in my bed than I can count and the list goes on and on.  But I wouldn't trade them for anything, other than a peaceful, quiet moment by myself from time to time :)

 

No, it's not 5:00 yet but even when it is, my day isn't over.  I don't even get a break then. 

And I'll leave you with this one...

My mind is most definitely lost.  It's probably somewhere with missing barbie shoes, half eaten apples and mismatched socks.  If you find it-keep it! 

My mom somehow did all this with way more than 2 kids.  When there was just 4 of us, she stayed at home with us, kept my 4 cousins and also 2 other kids.  God must've been handing out a crap-ton of patience when He made my mom a mom!! 

I hope this didn't offend anyone and even if it did, oh well.  It was just a way of blowing off some steam and putting it to those moms who do nothing but complain about anything and everything. 

I thank God and my husband for allwoing me to be a stay at home mommy.  I try my best, work hard at it and hope I'm doing a fair enough job at it.  In fact, I hope for my kids sakes I'm doing a kick ass job at it!  I love being here when my kids wake up, when Addi gets off the bus, to take her to her activities, to volunteer for Feeding America, to volunteer in Addilyn's classroom and have some one on one time with the most trying, hard headed and lovable little 2 year old. 

And this is what peace looks like!:)